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Grama Cuca toma té milagroso in order to lose weight

By Larry Torres
For The Taos News
Posted 3/27/19

It was already three weeks into la Cuaresma y toda la familia was trying to work out a plan as to what kind of sacrificio todos podían hacer como penitencia during Lent. Grampo Caralampio …

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Grama Cuca toma té milagroso in order to lose weight

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It was already three weeks into la Cuaresma y toda la familia was trying to work out a plan as to what kind of sacrificio todos podían hacer como penitencia during Lent. Grampo Caralampio decided que iba a asistir a los hambrientos (which included himself first) among those who were hungry. Canutito wanted to pray por las almas en el Purgatorio because the souls in Purgatory had no one to pray for them; eso sería una gran caridad. Grama Cuca racked her brains out queriendo figurar qué podía hacer para mortificarse and show true contrition. Finally she decided que iba a ponerse en una dieta y ofrecer su hambre for people who had nothing to eat. El único problema era que since she had never put herself on a diet, she had no idea cómo iba a comenzar a perder peso y dejar de comer tanto.

She went to consult con su vecina next door to see how she had lost tanto peso. She found out que la vecina had taken píldoras para reducirse pero that they had made her so sick por mucho tiempo. Grama Cuca decided que no quería hacer eso. Next she decided que si watchaba el exercise program del Jack LaLane on TV todos los días she might get motivated. Pero tocó que el show del Jack LaLane salía al mismo tiempo que "As the World Turns" y ella no podía dejar de watchar su show favorito. She would have to try algotra motivación para perder peso.

Había una cosa nueva that was the latest rage que muchas de las hippas who had come to New Mexico were doing. Se llamaba "yoga." Era como una combinación de exercise and meditation y muchas de ellas swore que it was the best thing for weight control. Grama Cuca lay en el suelo on the first day para comenzar a hacer sus stretching exercises pero de repente una de sus pierna went pa'l lão as she got un calambre bárbaro. Ese leg cramp caused her to give up el yoga para siempre.

Next she heard de que había una curandera in the next town que tenía un té milagroso that really helped to control the body fat en el cuerpo. This miracle tea had un gran hongo in the middle of a jar y ese giant mushroom was supposed to dissolve toda la gordura so that in three months' time las mujeres todas iban a look just like la Marilyn Monroe. Grama Cuca fue a visitar a la folk healer in order to buy un poco del té milagroso. After she had taken it por una vez, she started sprouting una barbita negra right on her chin so she cut it out.

Finally, toda desesperada, she went to see a una viejita who was murre wise. The little old lady sabia told her: "You are on the right track, queriendo tomar té in order to lose weight. It is just que el té that you are taking is not the right kind. Try este té instead: TÉ sirves poquito para comer when you are eating, TÉ quedas con hambre so that you feel it in your gut, TÉ dejas de comer dulces y tortillas no matter how much you want them, TÉ retiras de la mesa whenever you finish eating y TÉ dejas de comer snacks in between meals.

If all of this fails entonces TÉ vas pa'l corral y TÉ das vueltas around it like crazy, TÉ vas corriendo pa la casa until you are out of breath, y TÉ va a ver más slinky que nada by the end of Lent. Ése es el real TÉ milagroso."

Grama Cuca said to herself sadly: "TÉ vas a hacer loca y TÉ vas a morir…"

  • Ep698_Grama Cuca toma te milagroso in order to lose weight.mp3

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